ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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