Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
