you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
