Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
