No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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