Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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