Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
