I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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