You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
