Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
