This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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