What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
