I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
