Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
