I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
