Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
