Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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