I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
