Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
