It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
