I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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