She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Randomize
