it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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