Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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