All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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