I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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