every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
