three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
