I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
