New invention idea: vibrating tampons
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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