I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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