I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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