Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
