i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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