I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
