I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
