if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
