oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
