She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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