Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
