have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
