My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
