My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
