kristin has been a bad kristin
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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