Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
