Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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