He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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