I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
