Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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