Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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