turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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