I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
